So I had my first Black Friday experience last night. Meet some of the people I encountered.

The planner
My mother-in-law is a planner. She combs through the ads over seconds of turkey and “dressing” and chooses which items are worth the fight. Then maps out her plan of attack. She. Is. Good. They know her by sight at Old Navy. She’s first in line at all the good sales. Planners. They’re in, they’re out. They’re on to the next store. They don’t get involved with the drama.

The territorial
The territorial are those who hover over their future prized possession for half an hour or more after probably waiting several hours in line beforehand. This is the person who snarls at everyone walking by. Imagine a troll guarding a bridge. It’s like that. This woman is territorial. We get it people, you’ve claimed your $3 food chopper.

The newb
Like me, many newbs this year only chanced the sales because they took place before bedtime but after “kid bedtime.” Or we were lightly persuaded by our mothers-in-law. Black Friday in the stores is wayyyyy different than Black Friday online in my PJs with hot cocoa (spiked). I had idea what I was in for. I actually thought I’d be able to park in the store parking lot, if not in any of the store’s lots surrounding the store. What a newb.

The oblivious
The oblivious is the person that wanders aimlessly through the crowd looking for, oh you know, a good deal here or there. The oblivious do not use the Internet or newspaper ads to plan their buys. They get up at godless hours with nothing but a checkbook and more patience than any shopper should ever have on Black Friday. The oblivious are the reason lines take so long.

A newb can also be an oblivious but we (they) have an excuse, we’re new.
The oblivious and the territorial do not get along.

I had a good time last night, but I’m not sure I’ll do it again. That is, unless there’s a great deal (or if my mother-in-law has anything to do with it).