There. That girl is an athlete.

I like to consider myself an athlete.

Although, sometimes I may not appear to be so athletic. Like when I fell down the stairs to the garage and skinned my elbow on the hood of Donnie’s car or, when I fell down the stairs at work, or when I caught my heel on the edge of my aunt’s driveway and did a tuck and roll down the concrete. (All of these instances happened in the past year, btw.)

One thing all of these instances had in common was that I was wearing heels. I admit, I’m no Kate Moss when it comes to wearing 5-inch stilettos, but that doesn’t stop me from wearing them… too often. “Don’t I look glamorous!” I think, with skinned knees and a bruise on my big toe.

It doesn’t stop there either. Skinny jeans, tight tops, clothes that effectively curtail my mobility. Sometimes, I swear I look like Bambi, just learning how to walk. How do all those other women do it? They galavant around as if those straps are not digging into their feet and their innards aren’t being smothered by that too-tight belted skirt. For a while, I was convinced it took “getting used to” and that I needed to “break in” my shoes. I squashed that idea with a Chinese Laundry stiletto I wore one time but refuse to get rid of “just in case.”

I have a theory. And, I think I’m right.

Most athletic women look awkward in fashionable clothing, sometimes a little like drag queens (with the exception of stylish workout gear). Maybe we’re used the breezy, loose fitting, sweat wicking clothing we wear when we workout. I don’t know what it is but, with a 90% confidence level, I can pick out an athlete when she’s disguised in her Clark Kent daywear.

Take Jillian Michaels for example. In the red dress, she’s wincing. “This dress is constraining and these shoes are killing my arches.”

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“Ahh. Much better”

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It’s not that they look more butch or anything (well sometimes). I bet people could pick me out too. It could be the constant falling or the fawn-like walk. Or it could be that constant look on my face that says “I’m uncomfortable and my hair is tickling my face.”

Athlete or not, ten seconds after my feet cross my home’s threshold, I’m in my running shorts, tank top and have my hair pulled back (under a baseball hat). And, yeah, that’s my get-up for all recreational events.

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