Don’t worry, I wasn’t smoking cigs behind the middle school or anything. He was a lifeguard at the Y. It’s pretty much the only place where teens have authority (except for the intern scorekeepers at our Y volleyball games). Don’t worry I wasn’t trying to drown other people’s kids or anything (although…).
I attempted to use an air-filled floatation device (normally, I would just say “floatie” but I’m using lifeguard terminology for effect.) So after I carried this huge floatie passed 3 lifeguards at the front gate, gave it a little more air, fastened about 20 snaps and dragged into the water under one arm, 30-pounder under the other, sat down, fastened 3 more snaps, picked Riley up and stuck one fat leg through the hole, the head lifeguard comes up and tells me, “Ma’am you can’t use air-filled floatation devices.” I imagine all the lifeguards were pointing at me and sort of conflicted about who should approach the idiot breaking the air-filled flotation device rule.
“Me?” (Me being the only person holding an air-filled flotation device with a baby half-sticking out of it.)
He said, “Does that have air or foam in it?”
“Air.” (Clearly there was air in it. This kid was good.)
He said, “I’m sorry ma’am, you can’t have that here.”
I glanced at all the YMCA branded air-filled floatation devices on the lazy river. He ignore my passive aggressive glance and continued with an “it’s not you it’s them” spiel. You see, he’s protecting future kids from 1) being abandoned in an air-filled floatation device and 2) drowning due to an air leak in said abandoned air-filled floatation device.
He was good. Probably the most well spoken of the bunch. I imagine him teaching the others “use your words, not your whistle.”
I’m a rule follower, I wasn’t gonna put up a stink about it. Someone could have stopped me before i had put so much effort into it…. but… I’ll comply. After all, it’s to save all those other kids with neglectful parents and a staff of mostly incompetent lifeguards.