Fear thoughts

I am an anxious person.

I go through cycles of being not anxious and anxious. Some days are ruled by fear thoughts and others I’m walking on air. 

One thing that helps me get perspective on my fear thoughts is writing. Not googling. Googling is the opposite of helpful. Yet… I still Google everything. Ev-er-y-thing. When really, I should be writing. Googling only makes the anxious sharks in my head swim more voraciously with more gusto (if sharks could have gusto.) I like to think my anxiety sharks enjoy tormenting me and that would make them have gusto in their voracity. Annnnyway…

I read somewhere that anxious people look inward instead of outward, too distracted by our own minds and bodies to notice what’s going on around us. To me, writing turns that around. I’m taking what’s inward, a dark and stormy night or a field of rainbows and grilled cheese sandwiches and I’m putting that out there. Then I’m out of my head. I’m the on the screen. I’m on the paper. I’m in the world. 

I haven’t blogged in a long time.

For me, blogging is like my kids taking a bath. They fight and claw as I drag them the up the stairs (just painted over some claw marks the other day, in fact). But… now, as I type, I can hear the squeals of laughter and the splashing water that’s probably going to eventually damage the wood work, and I smile. They love that bath. And I love this blog. 

Blogging therapy over. A water fight drew blood.  There are tears everywhere but my fear thoughts are gone. 

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