Getting over an exercise addiction.

I am 35.

I can’t remember a time I haven’t exercised (except for the require period of rest after having babies). Even when I was 8, I was going on jogs and doing sit ups.

I never wanted to stop exercising because, with all the conflicting opinions about healthy eating, exercise has always been the rock of my stay healthy plan.

I am now officially exercise-free for one month. That’s not including the occasional sets of guilt-pushups or daily walks. I’m talking real, heart rate rising, sweat producing workouts. And, I’m afraid. Of what? I don’t know! I’ve never had fluctuating numbers on the scale. I don’t really change sizes in clothes. I’m always afraid of dying, regardless of how healthy I am (thanks anxiety). I guess I’m afraid that if I don’t work out, I will lose my identity.

I’m the health-nut. The exercise-freak. If I quit those things, then what am I?

Every day, my watch shames me for another workout not completed. “Just stand up to me your stand goal!” I don’t even care to meet that. I remain seated. And anyway, what the hell is a “stand goal.” Have we really sunk that low as a society that we get rewarded for standing? Usually mine will go off somewhere during the time I’ve been sitting at my desk for hours without moving. (Maybe I should listen to that stand prompt?)

It’s not that I don’t enjoy working out. I love it. I love how I feel. The energy I have to watch late night television hours after Donnie goes to bed. I just don’t feel like working out. I’m enjoying the “doing nothing” phase of my life. Doing nothing is an inaccurate name for it though. I’m not doing nothing. I’m building things. I’m painting. Boy, am I painting. I’m creating all kinds of art.

I will call this the period of relaxation. I’ve never been good at relaxing. I’m always up and on to the next thing. Can’t sit still. Can’t do nothing. Go go go! I’ve had masseuses (on numerous occasions) tell me to relax mid-massage. I’m always tense. But now, I’m getting pretty good at relaxing. Damn good, in fact. I even binged watched a series on Netflix, while working on a painting. I sat on the couch for 3 straight hours, just reading.

I’ll get back to working out eventually. But for now, I’m not even going to try. I’m enjoying the break.

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